The Inner Workings of a Little Teapot

So begins a new year.

Uzma — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:27:33 +0000

Yes, I realise that it’s the 25th of January now, but I had written that one line and it has been lying in my drafts folder for 24 days, so it’s justified.

I changed my blog address this year pretty much because, in the spirit of the whole inauguration hooplah, I wanted needed a change. It was getting pretty tiresome trying to keep up with everything that’s happening – not that whatever I was going through was serious. (I need to stop contradicting myself)

Let’s put it this way: I’m a competitive person in my own right, but I always find myself competing with the wrong people. People I love, and care about. Who earns more, who does more work, who’s accomplished more, who’s lost more weight, and petty things like that. More often than not, they win, too.

I don’t pick challenges (or friends, but let’s leave that to another blog post) well.

But I digress.

I wanted to change my blog address because, hell, I felt like it and was sick of my old one because my blogger page had a lot of associated memories that I wanted to shake off.

So begins a new year and a new blog address.

No, I don’t have any New Year’s resolutions.

Hello world!

Uzma — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:39:02 +0000

This was an automated message until I had my way with it.

Describing a Photo

Uzma — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 19:53:00 +0000

Another sad, sad meme.

Go to the the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.

Post the 4th picture in the folder.

Explain the photo.

I had a thing for taking pictures of feet. All kinds of feet…even my kitty’s paws. It’s not a fetish, I swear, but I just think feet are beautiful in their own right.
I had taken this picture ages ago when I just bought these socks (now, THAT’S a borderline fetish.)

Your turn.

Wow, how do people like this graduate from med school?

Uzma — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 19:38:00 +0000

I’m not really one for abortions unless absolutely necessary, but this is just absurd.

Via Courthouse News Service

A clinic nurse first removed her intrauterine birth-control device without permission, the patient claims in a federal action, then told her that “having the IUD come out was a good thing,” because “I personally do not like IUDs. I feel they are a type of abortion. I don’t know how you feel about abortion, but I am against them.”
The patient sued Presbyterian Medical Services Rio Rancho Family Health Center and nurse practitioner Sylvia Olona in Federal Court.

The plaintiff says she went to Rio Rancho to have the strings on her IUD shortened.
The complaint states: “As soon as Defendant Olona began speaking to (the plaintiff), she questioned her about her choice of contraception.
“As Defendant Olona began the procedure, (the plaintiff) felt Olona pull on the strings of the IUD. (The plaintiff) felt a distinct pulling on the strings followed by a sharp pain in her uterus similar to a very strong menstrual cramp.
“As that happened, Defendant Olona stated, ‘Uh oh, I accidentally pulled out your IUD. I gently tugged and out it came.’ She then explained, ‘I cut the string than went back and gently pulled and out it came. It must have not been in properly.’

“Olona then stated, ‘having the IUD come out was a good thing.’ She asked (the plaintiff) if she wanted to hear her ‘take’ on the situation. Without receiving a response, Defendant Olona stated, ‘I personally do not like IUDs. I feel they are a type of abortion. I don’t know how you feel about abortion, but I am against them. What the IUD does is take the fertilized egg and pushes it out of the uterus.’

“Defendant Olona stated, ‘Everyone in the office always laughs and tells me I pull these out on purpose because I am against them, but it’s not true, they accidentally come out when I tug.’

A post to make up for lost time

Uzma — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 20:21:00 +0000

Sadly, it’s one of these.

I promise to start posting something a little less trivial and more regularly in a bit. Just let me get my finals out of the way.

Part One:
Name: Lhjunkie
Birth date: January 3
Birthplace: Dubai, UAE
Current Location: Dubai, UAE
Eye color: Brown
Hair Color: In between brown and black. I wish it would make up it’s mind and choose a colour.
Height: 5’4”
Righty or Lefty: Right handed
Zodiac sign: Capricorn. (Baah)

Part Two:
Your Heritage: Pakistani. Living in an Arab country.
The shoes you wore today: Glittery skimmers with three pairs of socks!
Your weakness: Kittens and glitter
Your fears: Cooties
Your perfect pizza: Ground beef, cheese, mushrooms, chillies and pineapples on a thin crust. YUM!
Goal you’d like to achieve: After getting my BA and working for a few years, I’d like to learn French and go to France to get my MA in Archaeology and Art history.

Part Three:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: “lol,” “wtf?,” “argh”
Your first waking thoughts: “five more minutes”
Your best physical feature: *shrugs*
Your most missed memory: My house in the Meadows.

Part Four:
Pepsi or Coke: Either.
McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds.
Single or group dates: Neither.
Adidas or Nike: Neither.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I’ve never had Nestea so I can’t pick one over the other.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: Eugh, neither.

Part Five:
Smoke: Oh hell no.
Cuss: I’m a retired potty mouth.
Sing: Never have, never will.
Take a shower everyday: Yes, and sometimes twice a day.
Do you think you’ve been in love: I know I’ve been in love.
Want to go to college: What you should be asking me is “want to finish with your education?” and then in that case, yes.
Liked high school: No, and I’m glad that part of my life is behind me.
Want to get married: *shrugs* Perhaps in the future.
Believe in yourself: If I believed in myself, I’d be doing a lot better for myself right now.
Get motion sickness: Sometimes, yes.
Think you’re attractive: No, and it would take a lot of money and surgery to fix that.
Think you’re a health freak: I used to be, and then I met Mali.
Get along with your parents: Yes.
Like thunderstorms: No. No. NO.
Play an instrument: I wish. I’d love to play the violin.

Part Six: In the past month….
Drank alcohol: I’m straight edge, what do you think?
Smoked: See above.
Done drugs: See: sXe
Made out: Err…
Gone on a date: Yes.
Gone to the mall: Hello, I live in Dubai, remember?!
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Oh gosh, no.
Eaten sushi: I don’t like seafood, and the smell of fish makes me sick.
Been on stage: Yes, plenty.
Been dumped: Nope.
Gone skating: Yes. Two years ago was the last time and I vowed never to again. Just last week I considered skating again and broke my promise to myself.
Made homemade cookies: Yes, and I wish I could start making them more regularly again.
Gone skinny dipping: Well, no.
Dyed your hair: I tried to use those peroxide and ammonia free DIY hair dyes. My hair is dark. Do the math. I’m thinking of going to the salon some time next week, though….
Stolen anything: Nope. (Looking back at all the questions I’ve answered so far, I’m quite a boring person)

Part Seven: Have you ever….
Played a game that required removal of clothing: YES! And I won and took nothing off! HA!
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Nope.
Been caught “doing something”: Nope, thank God.
Been called a tease: …yes
Gotten beat up: Nope, but that’s probably because I curl up into a teeny tiny little ball whenever I see someone make a beeline for me and there’s not enough surface area left for them to hit me and do any damage.
Shoplifted: Nope.
Changed who you were to fit in: Nope.

Part Eight:
Age you hope to be married: *shrugs*
Names of children: Well, my imaginary children’s names are: Layla, Nadya, Zacharia, Adam, Balthazar, Milo, Amoeba, Chicken, and Noodle Soup. (Think Walker and Texas Ranger from Talladega Nights)
Describe your dream wedding: I’m going to wear green or purple and there are no two ways about it. And I will be marrying David Bowie.
How do you want to die: While I’m begging for forgiveness.
Where do you want to go to college: I want to go to Sorbonne University.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Anything but what I am right now.
What country would you most like to visit: Greece, Palestine and Israel. (And I want to be allowed back into the UAE after that!)

Part Nine:
Number of drugs taken illegally: None. Ffs.
Number of people I could trust with my life: Five, and that includes my family.
Number of CDs that I own: It changes every time I count, so I have no idea.
Number of piercings: So far, I’ve had five and have gotten pierced eight times. I want to get at least 20 more.
Number of tattoos: None, sadly. If they weren’t haram, I’d get devil’s horns behind my right ear, and angel wings and a halo behind my left. Also, I want to get a tattoo of a straight spine going down my entire back.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: A few, actually…
Number of scars on my body: Quite a few. I’m glad they’re not as conspicuous anymore.
Number of things in my past I regret: I’d rather not start counting.

Things I learnt at Hajj

Uzma — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:11:00 +0000

No matter how much you think you aren’t ready (spritiually, physically, or emotionally) for Hajj, if you get an opportunity to go, JUST GO.
That people lied to you when they said “InshAllah, everything will be okay,” “It will be easy,” and “It will be cold. Take ALL YOUR SWEATERS.”
The public toilet is NOT a public toilet unless you see a woman lift up her skirt and take a piss in front of you. Outside the cubicles.
That the smallest bag will be the heaviest thing you’ll ever had to carry.
99.98% of the pilgrims are sick
0.01% of the pilgrims cover their mouths when they sneeze or cough.
Mina and Muzdalifah are the modern day holocaust.
That your day won’t be complete until you see a few dead people lying at the side of the street.
It will be hard to feel spiritual at the Kaabah when men will elbow you, push you, grope you, and try to sell you drugs.
You’ll learn to disregard that and devote all your thoughts and energy to praying.
That it’s actually acceptable to most people for men to take women’s bags and throw them away just because you’re sitting in direct view of the Kaabah.
Never underestimate the power of old hunchbacked Turkish women who use two walking sticks to counterbalance the weight of their ginormous saggy grandmother boobs.
People, no matter what part of the world they come from, have absolutely no consideration for anybody other than themselves.
Coughing, hacking, and sneezing make for a killer orchestra. (Quite literally, really)
The Turks are evil.
And strong.
And are heavy.
And have sharp elbows.
And clammy hands.
And saggy boobs. I saw. ><
Sleeping in garbage isn’t that bad, after all.
Dry, stale bread never tasted so good.
I can actually go three days without using the bathroom.
I can walk over twenty kilometers a day and not feel tired.
Your abayas will have the sweat of over 1,000 men by the end of the day.
Driving takes longer than walking due to the sheer volume of buses that are traveling at the same time.
You CAN resist the urge to pee no matter how badly your kidneys hurt.
People lied when they said bathrooms get cleaned in Mina.
There are no flushes in Mina.
You will have to wait twenty minutes to use a toilet in Mina
You have to fight your way to wash your hands in Mina because there are fewer taps than toilets.
There is one toilet for every 5-600 people in Mina.
You need to wait in line for forty five minutes in Arafat to use the toilet.
Toothpaste is a luxury.
Running water is a luxury.
Soap is a luxury.
Tents are a luxury.
Clothes are a luxury.
Shoes are a luxury.
Always carry insect bite balm.
Always carry a torch.
That giving way to a thankless individual makes you want to rip their throat out, but you can’t.
That that one in a thousand person who expresses gratitude when you give them your seat/way/let them share a tap with you while performing wudhu makes it all worthwhile.
That all beggars are con men.
If you value your life, never fight with a Turk.
Turks are the cause of all the deaths and stampedes during Hajj.
That the signs for “jamarat” (the stoning of the pillars) and the “modern slaughterhouse” point in the same direction.
Food is a luxury.
You can’t drink water, no matter how dehydrated you are, in fear of breaking your wudhu later on.
You HAVE to stay in the Masjid-ul-Haram from Fajr till Isha if you don’t want to pray next to a garbage can (the only garbage can!) two kilometers away from the masjid. [You can't even leave the hotel if you're later because people have no choice but to congregate and pray in the lobby, too.]
Women grope you in mosques, too.
You’ll never be able to tell the difference between the poorest of the poor and the richest of the rich that one night in Muzdalifah.
Indonesian chicks are cool.
The Malays are cooler.
Changing your underpants is the last thing on your mind.
You can share the most intimate details about your bathroom habits with complete strangers while waiting in queue for the toilet.
Turks are evil.
You’ll meet people from countries you’ve never even heard of before.
You will grow accustomed to stepping in phlegm.
People will lie to you in the holiest of places
Makkah is a slum, and if it weren’t for the Haram, it would be hell on earth.
Makkahns HATE Muslims. (Ironic)
Despite Saudi Arabia being one of the richest countries in the world, it’s hard to see that wealth anywhere in Makkah or Madinah.
There are no trash cans in Saudi Arabia.
KSA does not encourage people to sit down anywhere.
Islamic propaganda is scary.
The Kaaba is breathtaking, and a lot smaller than I expected it to be (but that’s probably my fault, coming from Dubai and all)
Madinah is a beautiful city.
The Masjid al Nabuwi is beautiful.
You don’t need a common language to communicate.
I learned to lighten up
…and got rid of all my minor OCD complexes
Everything is so trivial.
And temporary.
I learnt how to pray. Properly. (Yes, I know it was a little late on my part) Also, the power of prayer can do anything.
Electricity is a Godsend
That my father is proud of me
Hajj is not easy.
There’s no point in complaining about it, either.
You will lose around six kilos with all that exercise.
And gain a kilo of dirt. Showers FTW!

I’ll post some pictures soon.

Stole this one, too.

Uzma — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:22:00 +0000

Stolen from Cookie Monster.

Where is your cell phone? Balancing on my knee
Where is your significant other? In his room, talking to me online
You hair colour? Black
Your mum? Doesn’t get enough credit for everything she’s done.
Dad? Is a big ol’ kitty on the inside
One favourite thing? Picking blackheads. Tis true.
Your dream last night? I had to take a syringe out of my arm, but the needle was attached to this thread that was going through my lip and every time I’d tug at it, my lips would bleed. The room was green. The thread was blue and the syringe was yellow.
Your dream goal? To be successful, happy, and then go to heaven.
The room you’re in? Living room
Your hobby? I’m…quite a boring person.
Your fear? Not being forgiven
Where do you want to be in six years?

*shrugs* I thought I knew, but it turns out I don’t anymore.
Where were you last night? At the clinic, getting my shots
What you’re not? Talented
One of your wish list items? A jack rabbit.
Where you grew up? Dubai, UAE
The last thing you did? Change my clothes
What are you wearing? Marvel comics tshirt and pink shorts. Oh, and underpants.
Your TV? Is off, for a change.
Your pets? A senile kitty named Coconut.
Your computer? A schmexy Vaio (MA)
Your mood? Sleep deprived induced blah-ness.
Missing someone? *nods*
Your car? HA!
Something you’re not wearing? Fishnets.
Favourite drink? Ginger ale or cranberry juice
Your summer? Confusing, to say the least.
Love someone? Yes.
Your favourite colour? Purple and green
When was the last time you laughed? Twenty minutes ago
When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

Watching boys squirm gives me my jollies.

Uzma — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:38:00 +0000

Yep, that’s right.
Last psychology class, we were studying about child development, right from conception up until adolescence. So our professor, assuming that most people in my class were mature enough to handle a video on childbirth played a twenty minute long clip about a woman in labour and her experiences during pregnancy and delivery. Needless to say, several people sat at the back of the class giggling or passing comments like “that’s disgusting!” during the video. What was shocking, though, was that some of those people actually had children of their own and were present during their baby’s delivery (if they weren’t the ones shooting out babies from their vaginas themselves). [lol 'vagina' is not a word in my inbuilt dictionary] I mean, this is the kind of stuff you learn about in high school.

The girls kept whispering “Astaghfirullah” under their breath, too.

*sigh*

I weep for the future.

Two more reasons to love She Wants Revenge

Uzma — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 08:32:00 +0000

(I know this is a delayed post, but I lost the link to the video and just rediscovered it.)

a) Justin Warfield has a son named Bowie.

Click here for more videos from Vote For Change

Enough said.

(They have a new album coming out soon, too! =D)

Vlogging

Uzma — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 08:22:00 +0000

After subscribing to almost over a dozen vloggers on YouTube, I thought of jumping on the bandwagon and starting my own vlog.

I did make a couple for the Shooftv competition (much to Mars’ disapproval, I’m sure. ) but those didn’t turn out so good. I do have plenty of ideas for videos, but I’m just too lazy to do anything about it. Also, good ideas don’t necessarily turn out to be good videos.

What do you guys think, should I or shouldn’t I start vlogging?